It’s like being a parent: refine what you want to convey then, repeat.

Sometimes I fall into the communication rut of “I told you already”. It feels like having your automobile tires stuck in the mud. You can push the gas, rock backwards and forwards, try a little harder, or apply leverage. None of it is terribly effective until you can make a drastic profound change, or change directions.

Ask yourself “when is the last time that I learned something new?” “When was the last time I learned something that was completely unfamiliar to me and I learned it just by listening to instructions?” Probably never.

There’s a lesson here for entrepreneurial parents because our job as an entrepreneur and as a parent is to communicate ideas in a simple enough fashion that they sink in. They must sink in and they must also entertain to keep attention. Think of it like retaining a child’s attention and you will go far.

Here’s a simple message you can share with your kids:

To be successful in the future you need to learn new skills.

Children need constant reinforcement that lifelong learning is important.

High school was like a treadmill for me. I could make it harder for myself if I tried. I could make it easier if I needed to. One of the    ”anti-entrepreneurial” messages I got from school was that we never discussed goals for our futures. Consequently, discussions about how our daily education would be useful for us in the future were excluded. No one ever asked us why we thought our education would be useful. Guidance counselors seemed to be there only for the kids who were struggling. The school system is a giant academic treadmill for students who don’t have great guidance and a great role model. You can be one for your kids.

As an entrepreneur my life is very different. I feel like I am working toward something that in the end will pay off. Everyday I learn something new. I focus on what’s applicable to me and my work. Or, I make sure I know the difference between learning for fun and learning skills.

Also, everyday I think about how I’ll convey my work ethic and my love of learning to my kids so that hopefully they’ll be lifelong learners too.

I know that I want my children to feel hopefulness and certainty about their daily studies, about what they do in school, and what they’re learning. When you talk with children about school remember when you were a child and wondered why you had to learn math.

When I was in school physics seemed applicable and basic math skills to pick stocks in my high school economics class seemed useful. (That class was taught by a brilliant educator we called Mr. Smith. He was one of two teachers I had in high school who seemed truly interested in helping high school students become independent adults.)

What high school education lacked for the most part was an application to real life. Mr. Smith made real life applications the focal points of his classes.

For example, if I were to teach myself math now, I’d probably focus exclusively on real life scenarios. Remember the word problems in math class? Those were applicable and we did way too few of them.

I believe that if we teach children about the usefulness of their education, we will help them gain a little bit of clarity over their own lives, and their own future.

Additionally, children need to listen to us talk about our futures. To make sense of the world ahead of them, children need to hear their parents plan.

We can help our children learn focus and foresight if we model that. Be sure to engage your children in conversations about where their education is taking them. Involve them in planning your business and adapting your business to help them get the best vision for their daily tasks.

Matthew Mancino
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The book helped me realize that as we walk through life we tell ourselves stories about the world around us. As a college student I thought it was cool. From a high level perspective I had an intellectual understanding that people talk to themselves. Duh, I didn’t need to go to college to realize that.

I graduated from college with a BA in Religious studies. My primary area of study was Ritual Symbol and Myth. I read countless books about creation myths held by societies and how they differ from ours in the west.

What does this have to do with the business and parenthood?

If you’re in business- It wasn’t until parenthood that I realized how important stories actually are to each and every person on the planet. Sharing values and morals through stories I tell to my children has cemented the notion of how much info I can convey quickly to a customer.

Think of it this way: A story is worth 1000 bullet points.

In business stories are used to make ideas stick with prospects. 

Telling stories to my customers allows me to convey why my product and service are unique and valuable.

When I realized that testimonials conveyed core values in story form it was an aha moment for me.

Think about television commercials. Essentially they strive to burn ideas into your subconscious so that when you walk into a store crowded with products you feel pulled to their brand. The most sticky commercials have the best story. There were these two birds looking into a house and along came another bird that flew right into the window and the two birds laughed and said, ‘Yeah those windows are really clean’. Then the camera pans to a windex bottle. What do you remember most vividly about the commercial? The windex or the birds laughing?

You’ll remember the birds and the story they convey better than you’ll remember the product placement. Why do you think they put the product at the very last moment of the commercial? It’s becuase humans tend to remember the 1st fact and the last fact.

If I said “Waaaazzzuuuup?” What comes to mind? Two frogs on lilly pads.

For now, focus on what we do naturally for our kids. It will serve you in business.

If you’re in business-

We impart knowledge and values through stories.

Telling stories to my kids helps my kids make my values their own.

Our job as parents of younger children is to prepare them to be independent in short increments I realized that sharing my values with my kids, which I was already doing naturally at home, gave me the skills to communicate better in other areas of life and business.

One of my core values is gratitude and appreciation. To be honest it’s something I struggle with and I place a very high value on it.

Years ago I needed to lose weight so I joined a masters swim team. A year into it I sent a greeting card to my coach thanking him for the team and how it changed my life. I’d lost 50+ pounds and regained my health. I told him that I’d probably be sick if it hand’t been for his team and leadership. It was simple, just a few lines of appreciation. He thanked me for it one morning at 6 am before I jumped into the pool and it wasn’t mentioned again.

Months later the team was at a happy hour and I happened to be chatting with his wife. Suzanne asked me what I did for a living. I started to explain but then I said, “Did Simon tell you about the card I sent him thanking him for the team?”

She beamed a huge smile and gave me a hug. She said, “That was the nicest card he’d ever received and it made his year!”

I’m happy to be able to tell my kids those true stories.

I believe that businesses should make the world a better place.

If your business is congruent with who you are you’ll be adding to the world and your stories will be a natural extension of your values.

Matthew Mancino

Matthew@MatthewMancino.com

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We’ve continued an ongoing discussion of what it means to be in control of himself and the situation. For him being in control means he stays calm and communicates with me about problems.

For me, being in control of myself in business encompasses being calm so that my mental faculties function as if I were relaxed.

Being in control also means that I am responding to what people are saying and that I can still “read between the lines” to respond to issues that may be more important and unspoken.

There’s a direct parallel to my 4 year old and entrepreneurs.

I’ve noticed some people in sales, marketing and mlm get nervous when talking with prospects, handling objections or dealing with uncomfortable circumstances. Their fight or flight instincts kick in.

Simple nervousness can result in loss of control of a situation, loss of a sale or worse loss of interest so that you no longer have a prospect.

As a parent your ongoing conversations with your children about being in control of themselves will overtime help them gain a sense of empowerment over their bodies and their minds and lead to happier and more productive young adults.

Next time you are meeting with a client, trying to close the big deal, recruit your next affiliate, or simply working with your spouse to resolve an issue ask yourself if you are in control enough to think clearly and guide everyone to a simple solution.

The simple mantra: “Am I in control?” will serve you in ways you can’t yet imagine.

Matthew Mancino

Matthew@MatthewMancino.com

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Consider interruptions a teachable moment to help your children to learn important time management skills.

If you can set a consistent work schedule around family life and if you can filter out distractions from well meaning family and friends you’ll be teaching your children how to prioritize their own tasks.

When homework times comes along your children will be prepared to block off that time to get their work done having seen you do the same for your business.

Additionally, if you have the conversation with your kids about what your priorities have to be to meet a deadline or hit a quota you’ll be teaching them communication skills that they can use to lead teams of their peers.

Of equal or greater importance is the time you set aside for your kids.

As an entrepreneur I fall into the same trap that lots of entrepreneur parents can fall into.

The trap is that with the ease of use of laptops and always on mobile devices its easy to get sucked into small tasks that distract you from what’s most important in life and that’s quality time with family. There’s a lesson here for wage earners who have smartphones for their work. If you come home from your 8-5 and you’re still checking email you’re stealing precious time from your kids so that you can give it to your employer.

Right now we are anticipating a visit from my mother. She’ll be here in two days. We have a large bed already set up in our office for her. My laptop is on the kitchen table. It’s very easy to sit down at my computer “for a few moments” then realize that I’ve been there for 30 minutes or more.

My kids are still young enough that it seems like they want constant attention. So I create a list of my most important work tasks. I use my phone and I use Evernote to keep myself organized. Then I consciously unplug from work mentally and physically. For me that means laying on the couch or the floor in the playroom so that my kids have access to me while I’m untethered from electronics.

Old habits are heard to break though. (SEE THE HABIT POEM) Before my kids were born I’d wake with my wife on her schedule. She goes to an office everyday. I’d eat and then walk straight to the home office to work for 3 hours. I’d head to the pool for workout during my lunch break then back to the home office for another 4 hours of work until my wife arrived home.

People have asked me how I stayed disciplined to work at home and be productive. I was wont to sit at my home office desk until someone interrupts me or an alarm goes off. If my kids are reading or playing I could easily get lost in work like the pre-distraction days.

Now that I’ve learnt to work around kids I have to be a lot more cognizant of their needs and balance those with my willingness to work constantly.

I’ve noticed that whenever my desire to sneak in a little work interferes with the agenda that’s required to meet their needs there’s always friction which seems to result with them being frustrated with me and me being frustrated with myself usually because it seems like I’m not wholly focused on them or work.

The bottom line is that when I overlay my work habits over quality time with my kids without getting agreement first everyone feels frustrated.

Communication leads to harmony. Everyone feels more peaceful and fulfilled when we’ve talked about my work time becuase the voice in my head that says “What should I be doing right now?” is silenced while I’m focused.

Then I ask myself this rhetorical question: When was the last time that you heard life-changing information that you only had to hear once.

Remember that for children many of the life lessons we tach them have potential to rock their mental or emotional world simply becuase they don’t have a broad base of life experiences like adults.

For example, my 4 year old can intellectually grasp a lot more than I expect. He’s amazing. But, as is true with all kids his emotional faculties are slower to catch up to his intellectual grasp of reality.

Emotions are after making most of the decisions. We have a bigger job than just speaking to their minds. Every time we send a message to kids we have to touch their hearts and their brains to make it stick.

“Reason is nestled upon emotion and dependent upon it. Emotion assigns value to things, and reason can only make choices on the basis of those valuations.” [1]

Here’s the business correlation:

Ask yourself why you advertise and market on many different platforms. Why do you post the same sort information for multiple platforms? Why do you have to repost some information before it’s sticky?

It’s because people need reinforcement. Sometimes they need to hear the message a certain way or sometimes they simply just need to hear it again. A message you put out on twitter may fall on deaf ears and a dull heart for Joe Schmo. That same message on Facebook may touch him visually in a way that moves him emotionally.

In the heat of the moment when my 4 year old is angry with his little sister his heart is less likely to be receptive to my message. But at night during story time I may be able to use a book or a story to teach him a lesson about right and wrong.

It’s our job to reach our audience and our kids emotionally for to create lasting change. I have to remind myself why I repeat myself. It’s so that I can make lasting change in the hearts and minds of my kids and my audience.

Matthew Mancino

Matthew@MatthewMancino.com

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[1] The Social Animal by David Brooks

The Habit Poem

I am your constant companion.

I am your greatest helper or heaviest burden.

I will push you onward or drag you down to

failure.

I am completely at your command.

Half of the things you do you might as well turn

over to me and I will do them – quickly and

correctly.

I am easily managed – you must be firm with me.

Show me exactly how you want something done

and after a few lessons, I will do it automatically.

I am the servant of great people,

and alas, of all failures as well.

Those who are great, I have made great.

Those who are failures, I have made failures.

I am not a machine though

I work with the precision of a machine

plus the intelligence of a person.

You may run me for profit or run me for ruin -

it makes no difference to me.

Take me, train me, be firm with me, and

I will place the world at your feet.

Be easy with me and I will destroy you.

Who am I? I am Habit.

- Author Unknown

I’ll paraphrase:

A man walking down the street see another man working in his garden.

He says, ‘you and the Lord have a beautiful garden.’

The gardener replies, ‘Thank you, you should have seen it when the lord had it all to himself.’

Jim Rohn goes on to make the point that we are in life together, with one another. We support one another.

As parents and entrepreneurs this story has merit too.

If allowed to run wild, your children won’t grow up to hold the same values you do.

As entrepreneurs we help to make the world better for everyone around us.

I personally believe we are in business

to make the world a better place.

Remember, we are in this together.

Matthew Mancino

Matthew@MatthewMancino.com

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For example:
I envision my children in healthy relationships with a loving partner someday.
I envision my children learning interpersonal skills that they don’t know they need yet.
I envision my kids keeping a journal so that they can look back on their lives someday, so they can share their journals with loved ones…

This list is long enough to make my point here. My job as a parent is to help my kids see themselves as more than they are currently.

My job as a parent is to help my kids take the self-confidence they naturally have as young people and to turn that into growth that propels them to be what they can’t understand yet.

Those parenting skills are the same skills I use as an entrepreneur.

Entrepreneurs see things before other people see for themselves. Entrepreneurs help others see a better world because of contributions and growth.

Entrepreneurial leaders help people see their own future; one that is bigger than what they see for themselves now.

Entrepreneurs help people see freedom and fulfillment even though, right now, they may see not see above the walls of the rut they think they feel themselves in.

Remember that your business is your training ground so that you can get better at instilling big dreams and huge self-confidence into your kids.

Matthew Mancino

Matthew@MatthewMancino.com

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Cognitive specialist have known for a very long time that when you are told to do something the first thing you will always do to obey the command is conceptualize what you must not do.

Your child crawls into the backseat of your nice leather clad car; you hand them their ice cream cone, and you say “now Sweetie don’t spill your ice cream cone all over daddy’s nice car.” What’s the first thing your child has to do to obey your request? They have to conceptualize spilling the ice cream all over your nice car.

Are they more likeley to do what they see in their mind?

NLP, neurolinguistic programming first taught me this concept. If you want someone to do something speak to them in the positive. I was doing this as a youngster without even knowing what I was doing.

I had a job as a lifeguard when I was in high school and many of the lifeguards would yell out to little kids, “don’t run” I would always yell out the much simpler “walk!”

As a copywriter and someone who puts things on the internet this lesson has been super valuable. Rarely will you see me say something like “don’t forget to register” you’ll always see me say “remember to register” remember to get your free copy” When you use the negative command it’s like pushing a heavy ball uphill. Make it easier on the person receiving your communications. Use positive commands.

To be persuasive remember to use language which will facilitate someone acting on your request.The next time you fail to close a deal or your child seems to disobey you ask yourself if a change in your language could have changed the outcome.

Matthew Mancino

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